


Count the Cost

by tisziny



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, library fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-08
Updated: 2013-05-08
Packaged: 2017-12-10 19:05:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisziny/pseuds/tisziny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been so long since he had last seen her. He remembered it all with burning clarity, River had looked so beautiful and he had cried... That was over 200 years ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Imogen bounded down the stairs into the control room happily. She looked to the floor, and just as she'd expected, found the Doctor beneath the console in his odd little swing, goggles on, fiddling with wires and fixing the dear TARDIS. She ran down to join him and plopped herself on the bottom step with surprising grace.

"I thought we talked about you spending all night down here." She said nonchalantly,

The Doctor gave an odd shrug, "Yes, well, she needed… debugging. I had to reboot a room or two; redid the library and the gardens," He ran his sonic over a cord then discarded it, "And the kitchen."

"I noticed." Imogen told him simply, "It took me two hours to find it this time. Then another half hour to find where you've hidden the pantry."

For the first time since he'd heard her footsteps down the long corridor upstairs, the Doctor looked up. He pulled the goggles from his eyes and gave her a sheepish look. "Sorry."

She brushed it off with a wave of her hand, "Oh I need the exercise," she joked lightly, "And you can always make it up to me today."

He grinned at her and jumped up, running the short steps to the console, "Right then, Imogen! Where to this time?"

Imogen laughed and followed him to the console, watching him excitedly run around it, pulling his sleeves down and shrugging on his tweed jacket. He straightened his bowtie with a smile and pulled the handbrake, "Oh I know just the place," he told her, "Just the place, I haven't been there in a very long time."

"Where's that then?"

He grinned at her, "Just wait and see."

He spun dials, typed in co-ordinates and danced around the console, slamming buttons and turning gears. They landed quickly and with a flick of the brake, the Doctor bounded off, grabbing Imogen by the hand and pulling her out into a field of green grass.

Imogen beamed, "Oh wow!" she ran across the soft grass and laughed, spinning like she used to as a child, her arms out stretched, her neck craned towards the sky, spinning and spinning until it became too much and she fell to the soft ground with a laugh. Her eyes closed at the bright sun and she took in a deep breath. It smelt like apples.

"Having fun?" asked a bemused voice as a shadow fell over her face,

Imogen opened her eyes to see the Doctor leaning over her with a grin, "Yes," she smiled, "Where are we?"

He plonked down to the ground next her and smiled out to the city in the far distance, "This is New Earth, the year five billion and fifty-six, the rise of the Post Bliss era."

"It's beautiful."

"I thought we might have a picnic." He smiled,

"Just after breakfast?" Imogen giggled, "I'm a bit full, actually."

His face fell sadly, "Oh,"

Imogen smiled kindly and squeezed his arm in reassurance, "We'll have a picnic lunch instead. For now, why don't we explore the city?"

A new beam pulled at his face, "A day trip to New New York! We'll buy everything for our picnic there, and I have a few friends we could visit."

Imogen stood up, her hand out to him; he took it and pulled himself up, the two of them setting off together, hand in hand. They made their way to New New York and wandered the streets, stopping in various stores and poking around. For lunch they picnicked in New Central Park, watching passers-by and discussing the New Humans and Bliss Virus from the Doctor's previous visits to the city. By the time they started their journey back to the TARDIS night was falling.

They walked across the plane of apple-grass, laughing and running and dancing, enjoying each other's company. "Who in the world ever thought that classified as dancing?" Imogen asked through choked tears, she was doubled over, stumbling as she laughed,

The Doctor gaped at her, "Of course it's dancing!" he exclaimed, "Look at it, it's cool." And he demonstrated again, his knees bent together as his arms met above his head as he shimmied his whole body at once,

Imogen tripped and fell to the ground, "You need dancing lessons desperately,"

"I've had them, course I have,"

"Who from?" She asked, "A giraffe taking its first steps?"

He glared at her, "Just for that, I'm not helping you back up."

She laughed, her head falling back, something about the simplicity of their day, the smell of apples in the air, the cool breeze that whipped back her hair form her face; it made everything, this whole wonderful experience, just perfect. "I'm a big girl," she told the Doctor once she recovered, "I can get up by myself."

She pushed herself to her knees and stood, brushing the remnants of grass from her clothes, "I can teach you to dance,"

"I already-"

But Imogen had already taken his hands, holding his left in her right, and placing his right on her lower back, so that he held her close, their stomachs ghosting together. Her left hand rested on his arm and she smiled up at him. He looked at her oddly, at her hands, and down between them, then met her eyes.

"Now what?"

Imogen giggled, "Now we dance," she nudged his left foot with her right, "step back," she prompted, and they moved one step together, "Now this foot, step and rotate, left again; perfect. Start with the right this time, forwards. One, two three, left, two three, right, two three," she beamed at him, "You're doing it,"

"Of course I am," the Doctor retorted, "I must say, I'm used to leading, but doesn't mean I can't accommodate being led."

Imogen stared at him and changed their pattern, so he led. They moved together in perfect unison, she spun out at his lead, from his arm, then back and he dipped her before drawing her back to him and starting their three-step waltz once more. "I can't believe this," Imogen smiled, "You're the clumsiest person I know, you trip over your own feet more than a puppy that hasn't grown into its paws."

"I'm seventeen hundred and six, and you don't think I can waltz?"

Imogen just grinned at him, "Oh look, we're almost there," she pulled herself from his grip and pointed out to the blue ship waiting patiently for them,

"Well then," said the Doctor, "Off we trot,"

He took her hand and started to run, Imogen quickly following suit, they reached the TARDIS in a flash and the Doctor pulled out a key, unlocking her before pushing open the door, "Ladies first," Imogen stepped inside, closing her eyes and breathing in the homeliness of the wondrous ship,

"Home again, home again," smiled the Doctor as he stepped in after her, he closed the doors behind him and turned, almost walking directly into Imogen who stood frozen the spot, her eyes wide.

He looked up to the console and stared.

River Song smiled back at him, "And what sort of time do you call this?"


	2. Chapter 2

Imogen and the Doctor just stared at the blonde woman before them. They couldn't move, or speak, or think. The Doctor himself could barely breathe.

River.

It had been so long since he had last seen her. He had taken her to the Singing Towers and what a night that had been, meeting his past self, watching River beam into the glowing light of the crystal towers, dancing with her much like he'd just done with dear Imogen. He remembered it all with burning clarity, River had looked so beautiful and the Towers had sung so miraculously and he had cried. And then he kissed her goodnight, placing his screwdriver in her hand, and sent her to her death. That was over two hundred years ago.

Hours passed in just one second, and River spoke once more like no time in the world had passed since he'd been with her. "Really Sweetie, it's not nice to keep a girl waiting, especially when you sent me here yourself." She started to walk around the console sending them into the vortex, "I've been here all day, and your insufferable ship –sorry, darling- refused to tell me where you were."

Imogen swallowed, and turned to the Doctor, he didn't meet her eyes. He was still staring at River, his mouth slightly open, his face completely pale, the beginnings of tears threatening to brim his eyes. Imogen reached out an arm and squeezed his hand before turning. She retreated from the control room without a word.

River didn't seem to notice, she was looking at the TARDIS central column, "She wouldn't even open the doors for me, she's never behaved like that before, is she okay?" She looked over at him and frowned, "Sweetie?" she took a step forward, and he took a step back, "Are you okay? You're acting like you've seen a ghost." She stepped forward once more, and again, he stepped back.

Now worried, and a little hurt, River spoke again, "Doctor what is it? What's wrong?" She walked forwards, moving down the steps and the Doctor backed himself into a door, he couldn't speak, he could only look at her, and wish her away.

How many times had he tried to save her properly, how many machines had he built? How many theories had he made- had he squashed? How many times had he tried and tried and tried only to fail absolutely every time? Today had been the first day in many that he had been truly happy, and now… Here she was. She was wearing her army green parachute dress, her hair frizzier than normal from using the Vortex Manipulator on her wrist, and he wanted nothing more than for her to vanish.

He didn't want a past her. He wanted his version of her, he wanted her alive and well and absolutely safe. In a split second he realised exactly what she must have felt when she saw him all those times in his early days. He understood the pain and the hurt, the pure loss in her eyes when he'd looked at her blankly through his past self's glasses and asked her 'who are you?'. Judging from her current worried expression he was probably mirroring that pain in his own.

She reached out a hand and gently touched his cheek, her finger tips brushing in his hair like she had done all those many, many years ago in The Library…like she would do. "Doctor," she whispered, and for a moment he just looked into her eyes.

In the next he was kissing her, holding her desperately and tightly to his body, his mouth claiming her completely, he was squeezing her like she might turn into smoke at any moment, and knowing her, that was entirely possible.

River was quick to respond, pushing off his tweed jacket, allowing him to pull the zip down the front of her dress, they moved up the stairs, clinging to each other, their clothing falling away until the Doctor pressed River roughly up against the console. He picked her up and sat her on it and she pulled him to her. They made love, love full of passion and anger and hurt. He gripped her roughly, biting her lips, her neck; his fingernails digging bitingly into her skin. He was so angry with her. But he loved her, and this would be his last chance to show it. So he told her, over and over, whispering it into her lips, against her ear, over her skin. He told her and kissed her and loved her and fucked her until she came screaming in his ear and he collapsed over her, spent.

He pulled away slowly, reluctantly, and River saw tears streaked down his face. She smiled at him, and kissed him sweetly, "I love you too, Doctor,"

"You should go."

His voice was hollow, devoid of the emotion that poured from his face. He had to be rid of her. He had to be alone to scrub her scent from his body and lock himself away until he could bear to face the universe again.

And if she didn't go now, then he would never let her.

They pulled their clothes back on in silence, avoiding eye contact. River tapped in co-ordinates in her Vortex Manipulator and looked at the Doctor sadly. She wasn't sure why he was acting so strangely, but knew better than to ask. His eyes found hers and she pushed away her confusion to the very back of her mind.

She bit her lip gently, before saying in a soft voice, "Goodbye, my love."

The Doctor swallowed and moved toward her with purposeful strides, taking her into a tight hug and nuzzling her hair, breathing her in one last time. "Goodbye, River."

He squeezed her tight, and with a sudden flash of blue she was gone, leaving only smoke behind her. He lowered his arms to his sides; he could still smell her perfume. He didn't move for over an hour.

"She didn't recognise me,"

He turned slowly and saw Imogen standing at the top of the stairs, looking down at him sadly. He nodded, "No… You- you hadn't been born yet. For her."

She nodded and the Doctor noticed she was crying. He swallowed, "You miss her."

"I always will," she whispered, "won't I?" she stepped down to the console, "It's been over two hundred years, and every day it still hurts, every day my hearts ache for her. She was my mother, and I will always miss her. Always. Surely you, you of all people know that, Father."

The Doctor looked at her, his daughter, only a child, barely three hundred years old and yet the weight of loss and age already pressed down on her shoulders. "Yes," he told her, "I do know. She was your mother, and nothing can ever reverse that pain, that longing. But as you age and regenerate and live, it will become less potent. You'll be able to press it to the back of your mind, your hearts."

Imogen had tears running down her cheeks now, "I never got to say goodbye."

He smiled at her sadly, "Then let's go and say goodbye together."


	3. Chapter 3

They landed silently, the TARDIS cloaked, in the data core of CAL and the Doctor turned on the scanner, allowing himself and Imogen to watch as River bent over the body of Anita. She whispered her name sadly, caressing Anita's helmet.

"I'm sorry, she's been dead a while now; I told you to go." The Doctor's past self said as he looked at a computer screen.

"Lux can manage without me," River said, "but you can't." And she walked to him, punching him in the face so that he fell to the floor unconscious.

"That really hurt, you know."

River spun around and stared as the current Doctor smiled sadly at her, rubbing his cheek in memory of the sharp pain her punch had caused. Inside the TARDIS Imogen, having not realised the Doctor had left until he appeared on the scanner, jumped.

The Doctor pulled a pair of handcuffs from his pocket, "Want to borrow these?"

River grabbed them without question and handcuffed his unconscious past self to a pillar, once that was done she turned and slapped the Doctor across the face. "You are insufferable!" she snapped at him,

"Ow, River," The Doctor rubbed his cheek, "That hurt,"

She glared at him, "It better have," she glowered, "you could have warned me, you bloody idiot, you could have told me that the next time I called I'd be getting him! I have never been so…" she had tears in her eyes, of anger or sadness, the Doctor wasn't sure, "The way you looked at me," she wiped her eyes furiously, "I wasn't prepared for that."

The Doctor stepped forward, and pulled River too him, kissing her gently, tenderly, begging her for forgiveness. River whimpered and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back. When she pulled away her face was much calmer, the anger melted away and she smiled, somewhat sadly. "You taste like me." She murmured, "Have you just come from Darillium?"

"Not quite."

She kissed him again then rested her head on his shoulder, "You're not going to stop me from doing this you know."

"I wouldn't dare."

"Then why are you here?" she whispered,

The Doctor sighed sadly and closed his eyes, "To say goodbye."

She looked up at him, "I'm sorry, my love,"

"I know," He murmured, "You don't need to tell me." He cupped her cheek and pressed a kiss to her forehead, "Tell her," And Imogen stepped into view.

River stared, the girl that stood before her was a lot different to the Imogen she knew, but yet, she could feel, in her hearts and her mind, she could tell that this was her daughter. "Oh my baby," she whispered, and she rushed forward pulling her daughter into a hug, "My darling, I am so sorry."

Imogen nodded into her mother's shoulder, crying, and pulled back to wipe away her tears, "I know, Mum," She sniffed, "I'm sorry too." And she pulled out a black gun and quickly shot them both.

\- - -

River woke up and found herself sitting next to the hand cuffed Doctor, she looked around. There was no sign of Imogen, the TARDIS or her Doctor. Quickly she scrambled up and started to wire herself into the computer, forcing herself not to think of her daughter or husband, and to focus only on the task at hand. The Doctor woke and struggled, fighting with her to take her place; she cried and told him, "There's nothing you can do."

"You can let me do this!" He yelled at her,

She shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks, " _If you die here it'll mean I've never met you,_ "

"Time can be rewritten,"

"Not those times; not one line. Don't you dare."

And then she was lifting the circuits she'd built to her head and listening to the computer count down as this incredibly young Doctor cried for her, a stranger he'd met only today but already knew would someday be his wife.

"Hush now," she whispered with a sad smile, "Spoilers." And she brought the two main wires together and felt a surge of electrical currents run through her, her whole body flying back with the force, and she died.


	4. Chapter 4

When the Doctor came too he found himself in an unfamiliar room of the TARDIS, he sat up slowly, his vision fading in and out, clearing as he rubbed his sore head. He looked around him; the room was barren of furniture or decoration, the walls and floor basic and bare. It wasn't the most inviting place to wake up, but far from the worst he'd had.

He staggered to his feet and tried to remember what had happened. He was with River, Imogen was saying goodbye… No, she was saying sorry. Why was she saying sorry?

He scrunched his eyes closed, then suddenly whipped around, looking for River. He found her on the far wall, strapped into what looked like a flesh avatar harness, how he had missed the harness before, he didn't know, but now he rushed too it. He didn't understand what was going on, was this Kovarian coming after him after all these years, but if it was, why leave him with the original River? And where was Imogen?

Imogen…

She had shot them. He remembered now, Imogen had apologised then shot them both with a stun gun, which must mean that- his thoughts were interrupted by River, jumping awake with a gasp, tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Doctor?" she asked, groggy and probably as heavy headed as he had been when he woke minutes earlier,

The Doctor reached into his pocket for his screwdriver, but found it empty; he cursed and looked at River, pressing buttons on the control pad next to the harness to release her.

"River what happened? What do you remember?"

River frowned, "I was plugging myself into the computer, to save you,"

"Before that," he pressed a final button and River was able to step down, out of the harness,

She bit her lip, "Imogen,"

"She shot us, yes, I have an idea why and I really don't like it, so please River, after she shot us, what do you remember?"

"I woke up next to you, the past you, and… and I started my work,"

Frustration coursed through the Doctor's body, complete rage and he screamed out, slamming a fist against a wall, "How could she be so stupid!" he yelled,

River stared at him, "What is it Doctor, what has she done?"

He turned, pushing away his rage to explain it as calmly as he could to his wife, "She made a flesh doppelgänger of you, like Kovarian did to you at Demons Run. You thought you were out there, sacrificing yourself for me and Donna and the other 4022 people trapped in CAL's computer systems, but really, you were here. And Imogen…" he pulled at his hair, "Imogen had no idea what she was getting into."

He ran to the door and pushed at the handle. Locked. He screamed at it angrily and slammed his hand against it, looking at the roof, "Come on old girl, please. For her." River watched as the Doctor took a calming breath and tried the door again. It didn't move, and the Doctor scrunched his eyes up, "Please, Imogen, please," he turned around and slid down the door defeated,

"Doctor I don't understand, she found a way to save me. Why is that bad?"

He looked up at her voice, but didn't answer. On the way to her face, his eyes had found her hip, or more specifically, the squareness gun holstered there. He jumped up and grabbed it, turning and firing at the door, making it vanish in a flash of blue. He stepped through and began to run through the TARDIS corridors to the console room, River running after him.

"Doctor, what the hell is going on?"

The Doctor turned at the sharp anger in his wife's voice. He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. Regretfully, he began to explain. "Your ganger, the moment that electrical current hit it, would have died. Meaning the memory space would have returned to you, unable to be used by CAL for the download. Imogen doesn't understand the technology like I do, or I would have done that the moment I dropped you home after Darillium. Your ganger melted the second it died, that's why there was no body, not even the suit, left."

"But," River frowned at him, "Doctor, if my download didn't work… What brought all those people back; how did they-" She froze.

River pushed past him to the TARDIS door and opened it, stopping and looking out at the data core of The Library. There, across the room, lying slumped in the chair River's ganger had previously occupied, was a body.

"No." River whispered, "No, no, no, please, no."

The Doctor looked on sadly, "River," he spoke gently, "There's… There isn't anything we can do."

River snapped out of her stillness and ran to the body of her daughter, she pulled Imogen into her arms, tears streaming down her cheeks, "No, no, bring her back, no!" she sobbed, falling to the ground, Imogen limp in her arms, "Bring her back, bring her back!" she squeezed tight and cried, looking up to the Doctor who stood by the TARDIS, tears of his own pouring from his eyes, "Doctor," River begged, "We have to do something, we have to save her."

The Doctor swallowed back a lump in his throat and shook his head, "We can't."

River locked eyes with the Doctor and spoke his name, his true name, "Please," she whispered, "She's our _daughter_ ,"

"I know."

He walked slowly to them and crouched down next to his wife and daughter, reaching out a hand to smooth back Imogen's hair, "And you know, River, what we have to do."

He watched as River pressed a kiss to their daughter's temple then did the same before taking Imogen in his arms and standing, carrying her into the TARDIS one final time. River followed on, and the TARDIS doors closed with a hollow thud behind her.

As the TARDIS dematerialised the tenth Doctor ran around the corner, River's sonic screwdriver tight in hand, he bounded onto the empty seat and pressed the screwdriver into the computer system, what he didn't know, however, as the screwdriver sparked blue and uploaded the consciousness of the neural relay into CAL, was that when the TARDIS made this screwdriver for his future self to give to River, the consciousness she encased inside wasn't River's. It was Imogen's.

_Demons run, but count the cost_

_The battle's won, but the child is lost_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beta'd by Charina


End file.
